Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
