eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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