I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
