Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
