i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
