just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
