Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
