There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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