I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Randomize
