My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
