The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
