You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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