god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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