Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was like eating out sand paper
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
