Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
