MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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