i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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