I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
