Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
