Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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