considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
