i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
