Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
