so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
40s are totally the cure
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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