I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize