Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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