So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
