Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
