I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
