had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
