So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
how does that bad decision feel?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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