I'm so fucking centered right now
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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