physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
