ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
