he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
