Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
