I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
