I'm jealous of your bromance
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
