just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize