Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
