and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
