Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
