I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
