First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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