Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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