Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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