The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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