she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
