Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
50% drunk capacity currently
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog