I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams