508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking