What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
