he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize