I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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