i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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