i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
