: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
