Is it because I queefed?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
