just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
