Jerry, you need to find god
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
