They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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