there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
