apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Randomize
