I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize