I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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